somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nicole vs. Life
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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