the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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