I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
