Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
