OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
