We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
