I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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