Someone shit on the floor
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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