Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
