he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
