I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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