i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
