Plan B is the new Plan A
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
