Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
