remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
