just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
