I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
