Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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