I got chris browned last night
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
