just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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