4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
