If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
