How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
