I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
