You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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