I want to stick my p in your. b.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
