How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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