i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
