If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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