Say something about gay babies.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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