so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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