Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
