Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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