Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
