I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
