This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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