Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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