see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
