So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
