It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
