So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
