I want to make a zoo with you.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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