dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
someone owes me an orgasm
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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