her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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