id be glad to
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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