the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
