Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
