I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
