Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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