I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
