So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
