If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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