we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
