FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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