just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
