sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
