operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He passed out mid-signature
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
