i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
