And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
