so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
