No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
