My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
