Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
