im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
